Petcare Company Acquires Rights to Veterinarian’s Oath, Raising Ethical Concerns

April 1, 2025

In a stunning move, Schmars Petcare has purchased the legal rights to the Veterinarian’s Oath,¹ extending it's influence into the veterinary industry. The purchase was announced earlier today after the international brand, which owns more than 1,000 veterinary hospitals in the US, finalized it's exclusive rights to the professional pledge made by aspiring veterinarians.

Schmars Petcare is a critical division of privately-held global giant Schmars, Inc., which started as a humble confectionary company and has since grown into a powerful player in modern veterinary medicine. The acquisition of the Veterinarian's Oath showed the brand's ability to flex its muscle in the industry, now controlling the solemn pledge veterinary students take upon entering the profession. The Oath is a publicly-sworn statement to support animal wellbeing, public health, and scientific knowledge, and was established in 1956 by the American Veterinary Medical Association. Since then, it has been modified three times, albeit somewhat before the invasion of private equity firms exacerbated a suite of preexisting crises in the veterinary industry.

Schmars, Inc. spokesperson Jerry McDuster said the company, which posted record profits again last year, plans to continue the tradition of modifying the verbage of the Oath, with an aim at furthering the exploitation of the human-pet bond.

“Did I say ‘exploitation’? I don’t think I would have said that. This is about modernizing the veterinary industry, not maximizing profits”, McDuster said as he clinked a crystal chalice with a silver butterknife, calling his elegant Persian cat, Large Marge Thatcher to an afternoon amuse-bouche. 

A high level employee of Schmars, Inc. (who requested to remain unnamed, stating crippling fear of corporate retribution) commented of the acquisition, “We'll likely codify a commitment to the gold standard of care, even if it’s not what pet owners want, or is even evidence-based. And I think a line or two about veterinarians communicating more shame to pet owners is importantnt. In fact, we’re actively discussing whether or not we want vets to check the parking lot to see what kind of car the owner drives before making recommendations. The wording’s just kind of clunky right now.”

All new veterinary students will now be required to swear the Oath if they want to receive a diploma, as well as free slice of pizza or Chipotle burrito once a week as a sign of corporate beneficence. McDuster, when pressed about possible compromises in the ethics of veterinary medicine with a private acquisition of such a sacred act, brushed the concerns off. 

“If we’re being real honest here,” he said as he tilted a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle Family Reserve bourbon (estimated price $5,000/bottle), “vets nowadays are just taking care of people’s pets, and people are all crazy anyways.” He added, knocking down a gilded statuette of John D. Rockefeller with his tumbler, “Oh crap, sorry Johnny D! Hey–wait, so listen, I mean–breeders are unethical too, so we just thought… this is a pretty good industry to scrap for parts before it all breaks up. I mean, it's not like any of use have ever worked in a veterinary hospital–we're just playing Monopoly! Come on Thimble Man, let’s party!”

Reportedly, Schmars, Inc. was able to acquire the Oath quite cheaply from organized veterinary medical associations, who were strapped for cash and have no proven record of resisting corporate medicine anyway. 

1. For reference, here’s the old oath: 

Being admitted to the profession of veterinary medicine, I solemnly swear to use my scientific knowledge and skills for the benefit of society through the protection of animal health and welfare, the prevention and relief of animal suffering, the conservation of animal resources, the promotion of public health, and the advancement of medical knowledge.

I will practice my profession conscientiously, with dignity, and in keeping with the principles of veterinary medical ethics.

I accept as a lifelong obligation the continual improvement of my professional knowledge and competence.